Nurturing Mothers

I have been asked to prepare a talk on the role of mothers in the home (to be given on Mother’s Day, 08 May 2016) and so here are my notes:

• (because I will most likely follow the Primary Children singing to their mothers) When Jesus visited the New World, He ministered to the children individually blessing and praying for them.  Then he turned to the multitude and invited, “Behold your little ones” (3 Nephi 17:23).  Talk briefly about the joy of watching the children and compliment mothers on the caliber of the children they have raised who are growing up in faith.  This is truly a glimpse of eternal happiness!
• Because it is Mother’s Day we celebrate mothers.  I am sensitive to those who may find this day especially challenging for a variety of reasons and want to reassure you that Heavenly Father is mindful of all of your struggles, challenges, and pain.  Regardless of whether you are struggling with finances, a wayward child, difficulties in having children, worry about doing right by your boys and girls, health challenges, difficulties in faith, or are generally discouraged and downhearted, you are loved by a kind and wonderful Father in Heaven.  That was the clear message that Pres. Derrick shared in Stake Conference (just a couple of weeks ago on 23-24 April 2016) and I want to echo that love today.  He loves you and has sent His Son to suffer for your pains and to succor you.
• Rising to the height of 11,752 feet above sea level in Utah County is a beautiful mountain called Mount Timpanogos, the second highest mountain in the Wasatch mountain range.  It is a 7-mile hike from the beginning of the trail head to the top, during which you climb about a mile in elevation.  It is a very nice hike but at times it can seem tedious and never-ending–and you are constantly looking up and seeing this behemoth of a summit ahead of you.  When you are tired or overwhelmed, it is important to take a look back and see your progress and rejoice in the beauty of God’s creation.  Just like this experience, motherhood is hard and tedious, and you get tired and overwhelmed, but it is important to recognize that you are participating with God in the work of salvation and to take the time to marvel and rejoice in the beauty of God’s creation which are your children. (“When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.” (Mosiah 2:17) is just as important, if not more so, in the home as anywhere else)
• Roles of Mothers
  • Motherhood has an incredible job description and there was a popular YouTube video in 2014 that illustrated this, calling Motherhood the world’s toughest job
  • A mother’s roles are numerous:
    • Master Chef, Event Planner, Shuttle Operator, Financial Specialist, Chief of Logistics, Bio-hazardous Waste Manager, and many others.
    • When people ask me what my wife does for a living I tell them she is the Chief Operations Officer for a small enterprise.
    • President Hinckley called her the “Keeper of the Hearth.”
    • I think more remarkably she is called Teacher and Nurturer of the next generation, Maker of the home, and the very Guardian of the core fabric of our society.
    • She is a primary stakeholder not only in the building of nations but in the work of salvation.
  • It is easy to overlook and undervalue the contribution of mothers, and for mothers to lose sight of the glory of their calling, especially amidst the dirty diapers, mountains of dirty dishes and laundry (almost as big as Timp), moody toddlers, rambunctious youth, and constant demands for her time and attention.
    • Our society not only undervalues but devalues the role of mothers and home-making.
    • “One of Satan’s most effective approaches to draw us away from God’s plan of happiness is to demean the work of a wife and mother in the home.” (see Alan Hawkins et al.)
    • Additionally there is an erosion of the noble calling of motherhood, cultural apathy and even disdain toward child-rearing, and a consumer-driven society that increases the temptation to work outside the home in order to acquire more things (see Alan Hawkins et al.).  It is good to remember that in forgoing earning opportunities and career advancement mothers are, “lay[ing] aside the things of this world, and seek[ing] for the things of a better.” (D&C 25:10)
  • Fortunately we have the words of modern-day leaders and prophets to help us have a better understanding of just how important this role really is
    • In The Family: A Proclamation it states that “By divine design” (not a trivial statement, indicating that this is something that was thought of ahead of time and laid out by the Supreme Architect of the Universe) “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”  It also calls this a “sacred responsibility”, a “solemn responsibility”, and a “sacred duty” to care for and raise children “in love and righteousness”.  In other words Heavenly Father wants His children to come home to Him and so He gave us mothers to help lead us back.
    • In an essay I read about these sacred responsibilities (Alan Hawkins et al.) it pointed out that our Divine heritage as sons and daughters of God is not sufficient for us to become like Him and to live with Him again because we need the Atonement of Jesus Christ to lift us above our natural states.  It seems apparent to me that mothers (and fathers) form an “indispensable” part of this process.
    • Elder M. Russell Ballard taught us a little about what it means to nurture: “Nurturing refers to parenting behaviors such as warmth, support, bonding, attachment, recognizing each child’s unique abilities, and attending to children’s needs. Nurturing in and of itself is more important in the development of a child than is any particular method or technique of child rearing.”  In other words child-rearing is the day-to-day techniques that you use to execute the task of raising your boys and girls whereas nurturing is the general feelings of support and love used in creating an atmosphere that promotes faith and growth
    • In a 1942 letter from the First Presidency (as found in Ch. 22 of the Heber J. Grant book) it reaffirms, “Motherhood thus becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit, of those who kept their first estate…To lead them to keep their second estate is the work of motherhood.”  Words like “sacred” and “holy” are typically reserved for the things we most honor and respect, and as such I feel they are especially applicable to mothers
    • President Gordon B. Hinckley taught, “The greatest job that any mother will ever do will be in nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth. None other can adequately take her place.”
    • L. Tom Perry taught that parents (and I would add especially mothers), “know that the influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world. The health of any society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity, and their peace all find common roots in the teaching of children in the home.” So righteous mothers understand the role of daily gospel living and teaching in the home as it influences the development of happiness and stability in society as a whole
    • Sister Julie B. Beck testified that, “There is eternal influence and power in motherhood.” and that mothers create a climate in the home for spiritual growth: “Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate.”
• Mothers are the faith-builders
  • They nurture their children from a state of innocence to a state of accountability, knowledge, and testimony before God (Alan Hawkins et al.)
  • Elder Holland in his  October 2015 General Conference talk  taught that our mother stands next to the Savior in helping us return Home.  She helps us not only recognize His love and sacrifice (because of her love and sacrifice for us as her children) but also in inspiring within us the spark of divinity.
  • It is from mother that we learn our first lessons in compassion, sacrifice, self-less service, faith, charity, self-confidence, individual worth, personal accountability, consequences, hard work, determination, and spirituality
  • A classic example of the role of mothers in developing righteous children is found in the Stripling Warriors who were not only strong and wise but also very obedient and had a sustaining faith in God (see Alma 56:47-48 and also 53:21)
• Advice to mothers based upon the information I have distilled from the prophets and apostles.  Remember that Heavenly Father loves each of you very much (I feel inspired to share this advice even though I feel silly doing so because I am not a mother nor will I ever be one)
  • Partner with God (they are His boys and girls as well) and fill your spiritual cup regularly (don’t overlook the powerful influence of daily, personal scripture-study and prayer).  In partnering with God rely heavily upon the Atonement and remember President Monson’s oft-quoted promise: “If we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help.”
  • Just like I had to do when climbing Mount Timp, pause every so often to take a look back at your progress and allow yourself to be amazed at the majesty of God’s work through you for His boys and girls, look for the blessings and wonders in your life
  • Embrace your role as a nurturer and see the divinity within it, then engage your boys and girls in meaningful ways (make the best and consecrated use of your time as President Derrick taught in Stake Conference)
  • Be patient with yourself, your children, and your progress.  President Uchtdorf reminded the women of the church, “many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself… you are closer to heaven than you suppose.”
  • Recognize that mothering is incredibly challenging and exhausting mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  In recognizing this, keep in mind “let us not be weary in well doing” (Galatians 6:9) and ” it is not requisite that a [woman] should run faster than [she] has strength” (Mosiah 4:27)
  • Remember that mistakes are part of God’s plan as well.  You don’t have to be perfect and in fact your children and your husband will respect you more because of your mistakes: they know you will be there when they make mistakes

References (in no particular order):

• President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Your Greatest Challenge, Mother,” October 2010 General Conference
• Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She is a Mother,” April 1997 General Conference
• Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Behold Thy Mother,” October 2015 General Conference
• Elder Richard G. Scott, “The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness,” October 1996 General Conference
• President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Forget Me Not,” October 2011 General Conference
• “Chapter 22: Teaching Children in the Nurture and Admonition of the Gospel,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant, (2011), 198–208
• President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Women of the Church,” October 1996 General Conference
• Elder M. Russell Ballard, “The Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood,” Liahona, March 2006
• The Family: A Proclamation
• Elder L. Tom Perry, “Mothers Teaching Children in the Home,” April 2010 General Conference
• Sister Julie B. Beck, “Mothers Who Know,” October 2007 General Conference
• David C. Dollahite, Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family, June 2000 (especially chapter 5, “Equal Partnership and the Sacred Responsibilities of Mothers and Fathers” by Alan J. Hawkins et al. pp. 63-82)
• Craig H. Hart, Helping And Healing Our Families: Principles And Practices Inspired By “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” September 2005

 

Fatherhood

This weekend I had some good practice with babies in preparation for my adventure into fatherhood.  I spent the weekend with my beautiful bride and we watched a 1-year old, a 4-month old, and a 2-month old (all at separate times–I still need more practice before I am ready to take on more than one at a time).  I also got to take care of a 3-month old during the last hour of church today, all by myself.  If any of you know my wife, you’ll recognize that she is having a good influence on me 🙂

To be absolutely honest, fatherhood is a scary responsibility.  Not only do I need to provide for and protect my wife who is a fully grown and mature adult, but I also will be called upon to take care of, teach, and discipline our Heavenly Father’s precious children as they come into our lives.  Fortunately for me I have some good mentors and a good woman by my side to whom I can turn to for support and assistance.

The National Fatherhood Institute (www.fatherhood.org) has published some statistics that show just how important a present, caring father really is in the home.  Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be poor, 2-3 times more likely to use drugs, twice as likely to engage in early sexual activity, and 7 times as likely to become pregnant as a teenager.

A telephone survey of 701 American men selected to be representative of American fathers showed that 81% agreed that men do better as fathers when they are married to the mother of their children, of the 8 possible choices given 89% said they learned to be a better father from the child’s mother, and 99% agreed that being a father was an important part of their identity.  They have also discovered that over 24 million children in the U.S. (1 out of every 3) live apart from their biological father.

We are blessed to live in a day when we have prophets who lead and guide us. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” and that “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”  I am grateful for the clarity with which we are taught our role as fathers within the Church!  We have the teachings of the living prophets, the scriptures, and the example of a loving Heavenly Father to follow as we strive to rear our children in righteousness–and that makes this new role a little easier to shoulder.

I am still preparing to be a good father.  I am grateful for the mothers in our ward who have given me the opportunity to practice on their kids as I have babysat with my wife.  I know that I can be a good father and that Heavenly Father will help me–and everyone else who humbly turns to Him.  May we all continue to do so!